How to know if your nonprofit is codependent and why that makes your brand boring

Yeah so the blog is still getting its spiffy face on. But I can't wait until then because I have things to say.

Let's look at what codependency means. It means sacrificing your own needs for the needs of others. Simple as that. Those of us in helping professions tend to lean this way by nature. We want to do for others and make the world a better place. I totally get it. The issue is: at what cost? Because if we constantly put others ahead of us, then we will suffer.

Now that makes sense right? Like totally. Put your own mask on before helping others with their breathing mask. Isn't that what the flight attendants tell us? Practicing this though, can be challenging and it can be especially challenging for nonprofits at the organizational level.

We are in relationships with our donors, and these relationships are based on an exchange. We give them something of value and they give us something of value. Our something of value is to work on issues that they don't have the time or money or expertise to be able to handle. I can't rescue EVERY dog, although I would love to try. But Stray Rescue of St. Louis can do a much better job than me. I give them money, they get the dogs. Sometimes the exchange can be hard to see. It is challenging to feel we are on equal footing or to believe we are because we need those dollars so badly. We feel dependent on our donors. We don't always feel like we are in an equal relationship.

This is where the co comes into the dependence.

We tend to sacrifice our own needs for those of others. We want to make everyone happy. This is not a bad thing, for real. It only becomes an issue when we neglect our own needs.

We are terrified of criticism. How many of us held back on social media because we were so afraid of a negative comment? How many of us said no to an interview or to a specific speaker for an event because we thought they might make people mad? Our brands tend to be pretty blah because we want to please everyone. When we do this, we stand out to no one.

In cognitive behavior therapy, of which I am a huge proponent, and where the basis for some of these thoughts are coming from, says that praise and criticism are the same thing. How can this be? Well, because we should not need either one to feel good or bad about ourselves. We shouldn't be overly dependent on praise to make us happy and a criticism shouldn't send us over the edge.

Seriously though, I am not immune to criticism. It hurts, I am not denying that.

But we are so afraid of making someone mad or disappointing a donor or whatever that we tend to not take a stand.

A good leader will have a specific point of view and stick to it, though praise and criticism. Not that they are immune to feedback, but they take it and make it work for them, without derailing anything.

When we are so afraid of criticism, it gets in the way of sharing our message, that's codependence. I see it all the time, so if this rings true, you are not alone.

Being strong in your message means understanding who you are as an organization, and then accepting that. You are not going to appeal to everyone. And those people who get upset? Come on, they weren't that on board anyway. Your true supporters want an authentic relationship. You can tell them the good, bad and all in between. They will love you all the more for it.

So in this blog, we are going to explore how organizations become codependent, how they can find their authentic message and how they can use it to engage more supporters and move forward.

I swear. It's true.